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Currently New Zealand's Police attend up to 500 family harm incidents every day. Children are present at 75% of these reported incidents.
Te Mana ō tātou Tamariki - Kōrero Pono - The power of our children - Speaking truth
While each experience of family harm is unique, responding effectively to it is a multi faceted process. Therefore our work is based within the circle of relationships that involve teachers and students of Years 5-8 in schools and the families of the students. We engage with Tangata Whenua and the social services which support the schools including Police, Health, Counselling, Oranga Tamaraiki as well as other local agencies. The complexity of issues brought up in preventing violence requires complex responses, which means schools need the fullest community support possible when teachers commit to facilitating the Jade Speaks Up programme in their classrooms.
Read about our work in an Otago Community.
We would love to hear your feedback and experiences with using this resource.
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Thank you for coming on this journey with us.
Elaine Dyer and Andrea O’Hagan, Co-creators, Jade Speaks Up
There is a lot of wisdom in this writing..it's up to us to get clear on our own issues and heal them.. our children deserve no less
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Trauma and trauma can still be reactivated in our lives in unexpected ways..some interesting points here. It is not licence to hurt others however, meet it as a strong prompt to seek help. We are working with a new resource on anxiety for children 9-12 years of age as we are committed to supporting the development of deep listening and observation of signals of distress as well as self care strategies. It's important work we can ALL get better at doing...The following was written by Dr. Melissa DeBose Hankins, a psychiatrist, and she gave me permission to share it:![]()
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This is what the result of unresolved trauma looks like.![]()
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What many of us witnessed during last night’s Academy Award ceremony between Will Smith and Chris Rock was a TRAUMA RESPONSE. ![]()
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While I am in no way condoning violence, I think this is a very public and very important opportunity for us to all understand what a trauma response can look like.![]()
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A trauma response can take many forms (some surprising) and look like:![]()
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Slapping someone for saying “the wrong” thing![]()
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Yelling at someone for not doing something “fast enough” or “up to your standards”![]()
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Avoiding or not responding to a boss’s emails about scheduling an upcoming performance review![]()
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“Having to” do everything “perfectly,” otherwise you feel anxious or unsettled in some way![]()
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Yelling at staff or throwing things around your office or OR when you feel frustrated or have a bad outcome at work![]()
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Not setting boundaries around your time and energy because you’re worried about confrontation and upsetting the other person ![]()
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Working endless hours without taking time for yourself or the things and people you enjoy because your job is your primary source and measure of your own self-worth and value ![]()
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When a person has experienced trauma (“Big T” trauma or “Little t”trauma) from their childhood (or, their adulthood), the brain and body store that traumatic memory in ways such that aspects of that memory can be re-activated by present-day interactions and situations. ![]()
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When this happens, the person experiencing this re-activation is split-second processing (on a subconscious or unconscious level) the current event through the filter of that past trauma. This means that that person is, for all meaningful purposes, experiencing things as if they are right back in that previous circumstance of trauma. As a result, they are reacting (taking action)—emotionally, physically, and/or verbally—from that place of trauma.![]()
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Those past traumas can be diverse and range from:![]()
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Witnessing a parent being physically or verbally abused during your childhood![]()
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You, yourself, experiencing physical, sexual, or verbal abuse in your childhood or adulthood![]()
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Experiencing emotional abuse or neglect as a child ![]()
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Being harshly reprimanded (this could include being spoken to by someones with an angry tone and demeanor) or shamed by others as a child for not doing a task “the right way” or not doing it “well enough”![]()
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Being told (and, perhaps, punished) as a child by an adult caregiver that it’s not polite and/or not acceptable to say “No” when an adult tells you to do something (including getting hugs from relatives, being made to attend events with your parents even when it’s clear your parents really didn’t want to go)![]()
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Being called out by a teacher in front of the class for having the wrong answer and feeling embarrassment and shame![]()
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While some of the above may be horrific, and other things may seem inconsequential, depending on the age of occurrence, the emotional, mental, and physical resources that person had at that age, as well as any prior traumas could determine the extent to which that person experienced trauma. A 2 year-old accidentally wandering into a closet with a door that shuts behind them that they can’t easily open, plunging them alone in darkness for 15 minutes before someone finds them is a far different experience than that of an adult in the same predicament.![]()
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In the case of Will Smith, he detailed in his autobiographical book, “Will,” that he witnessed trauma as a child in the form of violence at home. In his book he writes:![]()
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“When I was nine years old, I watched my father punch my mother in the side of the head so hard that she collapsed,” he wrote. “I saw her spit blood. That moment in that bedroom, probably more than any other moment in my life, has defined who I am.”![]()
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“Within everything that I have done since then — the awards and accolades, the spotlights and attention, the characters and the laughs — there has been a subtle string of apologies to my mother for my inaction that day. For failing her in the moment. For failing to stand up to my father. For being a coward.”![]()
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So, while the “joke” Chris Rock said was about Will’s wife, the fact that she was being targeted in combination with the look on her face (signaling to Will her level of upset and distress about what was said), triggered a split-second accessing of (and instantly being placed inside of that) memory to an earlier time when he was 9yo and wasn’t able to protect his mom (the woman he loved). ![]()
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Will’s reaction last night was that of that 9yo traumatized little boy who simply reacted in the way that 9yo boy wanted to react back then.![]()
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Does having a history of trauma (big or little) give a “free pass” for the present-day trauma reactions that involve the harming (physically, verbally, or emotionally) of another? No, of course not.![]()
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However, it does highlight the extreme importance of understanding trauma and it’s many manifestations, and addressing it with effective trauma-informed approaches that address the emotional, physical (because we hold emotions in our body), and mental aspects of trauma. ![]()
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Hopefully, rather than simply vilify Will, and say he has “an anger problem,” people close to him can help him recognize that this is “A TRAUMA PROBLEM,” and help him get the trauma-informed help in the form of therapy in combination with modalities as EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques, or “tapping”), EMDR, or other somatic modalities that can effectively and efficiently release the traumatized aspects held in his memory and body. ![]()
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Once his trauma and his emotions are no longer dictating his actions, he could have a much more measured and effective response to situations such as that that occurred at last night awards ceremony.![]()
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My further hope is that if anyone reading this finds that they are stuck in patterns of extreme reaction (such as Will experienced), or even less severe reactions, but you recognize are getting in the way of you living life the way you really want, please consider getting trauma-informed support.![]()
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Even if you’ve not experienced “Big T” trauma, ALL of us have experienced various “little T” traumas that have impacted each of us in various ways personally and/or professionally—some with mild behaviors and impacts, some not so mild. ![]()
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As physicians, we are masterful at suppressing so many of our emotions, and the thoughts and memories associated with them. However, trauma has a way of impacting us in great big obvious ways (as we saw with Will Smith), and not such obvious ways (perfectionism, workaholism, lack of boundaries). ![]()
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I’m not suggesting any of us go unearthing swaths of past trauma (please don’t do this unless you are working with a trauma-informed individual). ![]()
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Simply be aware that it may be impacting you in ways you recognize and have yet to address, or in ways you never quite thought of as being associated with trauma. And, if needed, allow yourself to get the support you need by working with a trauma-informed therapist, trauma-informed coach, or other trauma-informed practitioner/modality.![]()
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Now published by KevinMD.com here: www.kevinmd.com/2022/03/will-smiths-slap-is-a-trauma-response.html
There are some wise words here.. and some shocking stats about the challenges to our young people's well being. What do you think about how to make a difference?
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another opportunity to make our classrooms more compassionate and safe listening spaces for our children
theconversation.com
Teachers can inspire children and young people to feel hopeful and promote a sense of agency through thoughtful, honest discussion and developmentally appropriate activities.
not so true for the classroom, but sure is so for the family 🙂
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some good advice here... we are still facing uncertain disruptive times this year by the sounds of it! May you and your students stay safe!
theconversation.com
We investigated the initiatives schools around the world took to help support and maintain the well-being of their students and staff. We pulled out seven things that made a difference.
We have been doing some work with parents associated with one of our Jade schools recently. I thought this was a good reminder about self-care of ourselves as parents...
Your kid is having a meltdown in the supermarket. In tough parenting moments, here's what you can do
theconversation.com
Parenting means internal competition between three evolved responses: the threat, drive and soothing system. The threat light is on often, but it can be dampened by tapping into the soothing system.
reducing the harm of violence is something all of us can do... take care of yourselves and your neighbourhoods whanau
there are some really helpful tips here in supporting our secondary students as they return to school to face exams... ![]()
Australian but relavant here
40% of year 12s suffer high anxiety. At exam time, here's what parents can do to help
theconversation.com
Parents can support their children through the coming weeks of year 12 exams by using four strategies.
while we are not quite there yet, some very helpful hints for helping our children return to their classes. and a huge thankyou to the teachers who have gone the extra nine yards to support their online students... as well as the resourceful parents who have been so resourceful in making lock down learning work.
5 ways parents can help children adjust to being at school after months in lockdown
theconversation.com
Many children will thrive on return to school. Others may need a bit more support to adjust to this big change in their lives and manage any anxieties they might have.
our languaging makes a difference to the ways our children approach challenges... here are some great tips!
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This little story about healing ... touched me today! its never too late to mend an aching heart even though the very best scenario is to nurture it in our children right from the start.
Love this reminder of why communication is important...sharing our sense making stories...thank you Mary Alice Arthur
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